I am scared…

I am scared…I want to skip my therapy…I don’t like the way I’m feeling …Everything seems worse, out of control. I have so many unanswered questions? Everyone telling me that I should grow up, cutting the umbilical rope? Why? I mean is there someone in the whole world who will always be there for me other than Mom? Who will always love me no matter what i do or say?
And what exactly does it mean to cut the umbilical rope in real life?
Is like when you grieve there’s always comes a time when people gently advise you to turn the page, to let go!
How can you let go?
You never let go, the pain will decrease but the longing will be present everyday single day, no matter the years. I miss my mamie (grandmother) every day and sometimes pray for her to take her with me, when Life seems unbereable. When there seems to be no solutions. When the only thing that i want is just to be able to sleep a week in a row! I try but I am questioning my ability to recover. I want to heal but is it my mental tricking me again? will my emotional follow an unknown path?

I did choose my Life
I don’t remember what I am supposed to learn?
What is my mission here?
What must I overcome?
What must I learn?
What must I integrate?

Am I in the right track?
Is there a right track?
How can I improve myself? 
Do we ever change our energy?

I’ve noticed over the years that we humans have a tendency to remain the victim, even if it’s difficult there is a certain pleasure within it. It takes a lot of courage to really change. I hope i will (my husband is hoping too….is developping patience! )
Sorry girls/boys  for the outburst, maybe it’s the asia jet lag? Let’s see what happens therapy next week….cool

God, give us the Grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed
Courage to change the things which should be changed, and 
the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Serenity prayer

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